Thursday, February 16, 2012

from the hospital

I feel like I've taken things for granted and time is what I wish most that I could get back.

I just wish that time would stand still right now and I could keep my Gramma with us for as long as possible.  She's the backbone of our family and one of the main reasons we're all as close as we are.  I absolutely cannot imagine my life if my Gramma hadn't been an integral part of my upbringing.  For 21 years of my life we lived one street over from her and Honey and during the first few years of my life she was my babysitter and teacher.  She taught me to read and is the sole reason that I love it so much now and she taught me how to paint.  No one can make a grilled cheese sandwich, cornbread, jambalaya or chocolate sheet cake like her.  She took care of both her two younger sisters for many years when her parents were taken at a young age, she raised 4 girls and was a wonderful wife to a deputy sheriff.  She and Honey have been married for 62 years as of October last year and she's lived an amazing 79 years (she will be 80 in April) so far. 
There is really so much more to her and her story of course that I'll have to share another time.

Right now she's fighting for her life and her body is failing her.  She has double pneumonia, and infection in her lungs, metastasized stage 4 (terminal) cancer in her lungs and adrenal glands, a blood clot in her right lung and she had a heart attack on Sunday.  Her blood pressure is all over the board and so is her blood sugar. They have to walk a fine line with her fluids because she needs them for the pneumonia but too much can effect her heart and how it works.  And right now her heart is only working at 15% capacity.  She's only able to breathe and sleep effectively with the morphine they're giving her.  She's on constant oxygen because she's just not getting enough on her own.
The doctors came in with grim news yesterday and said that there's not much more that they can do for her.  They will no longer give chemo or radiation and right now they're just treating the symptoms with antibiotics and steriods.  They said her lungs are going in the opposite direction with no improvement.  For the time being she will stay in the hospital until there is improvement with her oxygen and pneumonia but the main goal is for her to get home and have hospice come there.  She's a tough woman with so much to live for so she keeps saying she has to make it to May at least to see her two youngest grandkids graduate from high school and then another grandkid graduate from college.  Honey is also one of the strongest men and to see him go through this battle with her has been incredibly sobering.  Seeing your retired police officer Grandpa break down is a very hard to handle situation that I honestly never would have thought I'd see.  He just wants to keep his sweetheart with him as long as possible which no one can blame him for.

She is happiest when her hospital room is full of people so she can just sit and listen to all the talk.  On Tuesday one of my cousins got clearance from the hospital to bring Gramma and Honey's lab-mix Goldie up  to the hospital for a visit.  That was a highlight for Gramma since she loves her pup and how many people can say their dog came to visit them in the hospital!

I have every hope that she can make it out of the hospital and get back to home so she can be comfortable.  She has not given up and she's such an inspiration.



Your prayers keep us all going and they are more appreciated then you can know




25 comments:

Katie said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. What a difficult thing for your family. Many blessings to your gramma and your entire family!

Miss Chelsea said...

I hate that you have to go through this. Reading your post made it seem like only yesterday we were going through the same thing with my grandma. I am glad to hear she is in good spirits though, and that's amazing that her pup got to come see her! Just make the most out of all the time you have with her now, as I'm sure you're already doing. Wish I knew the right words to say =x thinking of you and your family

Meghan said...

Definitely keeping your family and Gramma in my prayers, I honestly can't even bear the thought of losing my grandparents so you are definitely in my thoughts as well! *hugs*

Sarah @ 90 Percent Blonde... said...

Not only did I tear up while reading your post but hearing about your Grandpa keeping his sweetheart longer made the tears flow down my face. We will be keeping you, your family, and your Gramma in our prayers. Enjoy every moment you get to spend with her and hopefully she can pull through this

Vicki said...

Jenn - I know exactly what your going through. I was in your shoes a couple of years ago with my grandfather. I have been keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. I work for a Hospice program, so if you have any questions or want to talk I'm always here! ::hugs:: xoxo

Jenn said...

Thinking about you and praying for your grandma. My grandpa is struggling right now, too, so I know it's hard. *sending you virtual hugs*

Ashlee Miller said...

Jenn - You and your entire family are in our prayers. Paul and I were in your shoes exactly a year ago. Looks like your Gamma has some amazing support and she is a fighter. If you ever need to talk, vent or cry let me know and I would gladly lend an ear! Sending lots of ((HUGS)) your way!!

Vanessa Dilly said...

What a tough time for sure! We buried my grandmother today. My prayers are with you!

Catie said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am praying right now that God will bring comfort and peace to your family, and that your loved one will not be in any pain. Death is so hard to understand and deal with. The only way we can make it through is with God's help

Blane181 said...

Prayers are with you and your family.

Jodi Dwyer said...

Sorry you are going through this but sounds like you are making wonderful memories with your grandmother. So sweet that you could bring her dog in for a visit. I'm a medical social worker and started a pet therapy program at the hospital and the patients love it so much!!!

Ali said...

We went through the exact same thing with my grandma who I loved an adored just like you do yours. It really is the hardest thing and even now, five years later, I miss her so so much. I will be praying for you because thats the only thing that will help.

Kodie said...

You all are in my thoughts and prayers! Your grandma seems like an amazing woman and a real fighter.

Heather said...

Praying, girl!

Allison said...

Have been and still am praying for your sweet grandma. We never really understand how special and important someone is in our lives. I pray she is able to go home soon! I love that she got to see her pup, probably made her day!!

Nik said...

Good evening,

I stumbled upon your blog via a friend of mine's, and I just have to say, your entry touched my heart very deeply.

Five years, one week, and 5 days ago, I lost my grandmother to complications from severe diabetes. She was my best friend, my confidante, my shelter... and the backbone for our family as well. We sat in her hospital room her final days trying to hold on forever.

So, your post resonates with me.

I want you to know that I'm praying for you and your family. It's going to be so hard, I know, to get through these trying times. Hopefully, she'll pull through and you'll have many more days with her yet.

When Gma left me, I struggled for days just to breathe normally. I found that writing about her last days and the days that followed helped some, but nothing ever really took away the pain. God's still healing me. It's definitely a process.

Peace.

Kristine said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your Gramma, Jenn. I know how hard that can be... I've been there :( Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, lady :) xoxo

Lil' Woman said...

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!!

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

As I sit here with tears streaming doing my face, I too wonder why God does this. I mean, I like to pretend that I understand but really, isn't your Gramma having cancer enough?

Jenn: I am so sorry this is happening. Truly I am. I have been praying for her daily and will continur to do so. Wish there was something else I could do.

Michelle @ The Vintage Apple said...

Jenn....I am so very sorry. Please know that your family is in my prayers.

I'm here if you need anything.

Love you girl. Stay strong.

Brittany said...

What a wonderful woman your Gramma is! Keeping you and your family in my prayers! Much Love.

Lauren said...

My heart breaks to read your story, but thankful your gramma is in good spirits. I'm praying for you and your family. Also your sweet grandpa, praying for strength.

Amber said...

My heart breaks for you Jenn. Gramma sounds like a tough fighter, and I have been keeping her and you in my thoughts and prayers! xoxo

Kristin said...

Sending prayers up for your Gramma and your whole family!

Amber said...

Jenn... I am so sorry! I am so behind on my blogging, and I am just seeing this post.
I will keep praying for your gramma, and your family. I lost my grandfather 5yrs ago, and it was the hardest thing I have even been through, even worse than my divorce. I hope your week is going okay...

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